The start of this mission was extremely disappointing. I joined the Resistance to end the tyranny of the Imperial army and I helped train new recruits so they could hit something (unlike those worthless Stormtroopers). Once high command came to me about this mission, I couldn't wait to sign on. I get to infiltrate an outpost to steal some crucial data plans. This is the perfect opportunity to leave no survivors as retribution for the crimes they have committed. As the old saying goes in a long time in the future in a galaxy far, far away…dead men tell no tales.
As we entered the hanger, I quickly scaled a chicken walker to provide overwatch for the team. It was perfect. An unsuspecting Imperial bastard just happened "to walk into" my blaster bolt. Merked that squishy sack of Bantha shit. However, the rest of the team scolded me for killing him. Apparently, my blaster has a stun setting. Who would have known?
Well, that threw me off and I shanked a couple of shots. One instance was a little unfortunate since three Stormtroopers shot me when I missed. Fucking stun setting. It's cool though. We knocked them all out and I took one's armor. It'll be easier to get the jump on these assholes if I look like them.
After we secured the maintenance bay, I was going to walk around to all of the stunned Imperial douchebags and put two in their chests. However…that was apparently too fucked up according to the rest of the team…pussies. Whatever, I won't rock the boat that much. There will be plenty of opportunities to get my redemption.
Later, I was standing sentry outside the maintenance bay while Jan and Fenn went to grab the data from the control room down the hall. While waiting, two Army Sentries thought it was a good idea to ask me why I was standing guard. Well, I've never been much of a bullshitter, so I led them inside the maintenance bay. Dumbasses never saw it coming. I put one in each of their backs the instant the door closed behind me. I let their dead bodies just tumble to the bottom of the stairs; I gave Epiph a thumbs up and walked back out the door. I think he shit himself. I hoped that everything was going well with Jan and Fenn in the control room. It turns out that they suck at their job, because that's when shit really hit the fan. I've never been happier. Once I saw a Stormtrooper run out and call for a lockdown, I set my ass into high gear. I ran down the hall and intercepted him in the barracks. He asked me where the Sergeant was and I took him to the bathroom; you know, his office. I then killed him and stuffed his dead body in the shitter.
Just then, the lights went out. Great. There I am, in the shitter, with another dude. Thankfully, no one was around to see, so I got out of there pretty quick. Also, this helmet is bad ass. I can see in the dark. While the lights were out, I thought about breaking into the armory; however, the mission was to steal the data and escape. So, against my true desires, I headed towards the hanger. As I approached in the dark, four Army Sentries were fumbling in the dark. I started to reach for my vibroknife and thought against it. I may be good, but take down four in close quarters with only a knife? I'm not that good. Just then, one turned on his flashlight and then noticed I was there. I bullshitted some story about how I was sent there to prepare the hanger for evacuation. Some how these idiots believed me and opened the blast doors. I used this opportunity to send two to start up the ship and two to guard the door. It'll be easier to take them out in two groups rather than one.
Just then, something came crashing out of the air vents. Sure as shit, it was a Lieutenant. This asshole thinks I'm an actual Stormtrooper and tells me that there are intruders in the base. Well, no shit Sherlock. I tell him that my primary duties are to ensure the data is secured. This schmuck even tells me he has it on him. I thought about killing him right then and there; although, I had a better idea. Why not get him to kill these Sentries for me? I tell him that the two at the gate were shifty and ask if he wants to take them out. Disappointingly, he says to leave them. Well, there are another two, so I let him know about them. He said he would take care of them and immediately stormed off to the shuttle. Just then, I heard two blaster shots…so did the other Sentries. Then came rushing over to see what happened. I told them I thought the Lieutenant shot those in the shuttle and we should go check it out. Of course, those shifty bastards don't trust me, so I had to go first. Good thing I know what's coming. As I step on the top of the ramp, I move to the side to give the Lieutenant a clear shot. He takes out one and I smelled the pungent odor of the second dropping a steaming load as he falls to the ground crying. I put that little bitch out of his misery.
Perfect, that worked as well as I hoped…well, except when the Lieutenant tried to kill me. I can't actually blame him. Even though he only winged me, it still hurt like a bitch. As he took cover, I put a shot right through the center of the seat and through his chest. Unfortunately, it was a little too good of a shot and it also destroyed part of the console. I hoped it wasn't important, but apparently you need shields for ships. Well, fuck a duck.
My luck didn't stop there. Even though I had the perfect setting for that seat, I couldn't get the damn thing to take off. Eventually I was able to get it moving and went to pick up the rest of the team in the maintenance bay. I feel like they spent the entire mission in that damn room. As I'm picking them up, Epiph tries attaching that downed Battle Droid to a speeder with duct tape. Yeah…that'll work. I thought about leaving his ass for almost blowing the mission. Once he realized it was a stupid idea and almost died from the Stormtrooper by the door, the crazy bastard used a speeder bike as a fucking torpedo and let it loose into some fuel tanks. I owe that man a drink. It was bad ass. We high tailed it out of there with all objectives met. We stole a ship, acquired the data tapes, and I had some epic kills. I say it was a pretty successful Wednesday. Time to sit back and relax until we get back to base.